Yours Truly witnessing the Quiet Strength of the Pacific Ocean

Some insights come from serendipitous occurrences.

Like this one I just had: that “Solution-Focus” has the quality of Quiet Strength.

This insight was triggered by three unrelated events:

- via @dChickadee4Life, stumbling upon this blog post: Three Keys to Mindful Leadership Coaching. The three keys mentioned by Douglas Riddle are: an open mind; non reactivity; permissive attention. These are all characteristics of  the “Not-Knowing” Stance which is one of the distinctive features of Solution – Focus. One particular sentence by Douglas Riddle resonated deeply in me: How does a coach do that? By creating in the conversation with the coachee a sense of open, reflective exploration. The coaches who expand my mind, emotions and performance come to the coaching relationship from a place of inner calm. They have quiet minds. They are not beguiled by fancy techniques or elegant coaching models.

- reading the book: Quiet. The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. I had a profound sense of recognition while reading it. I made peace with my style of coaching – I am definitely not a Tony Robbins. I do not talk much. I do not raise my voice. I am not “in your face” and I definitely do not pump my fists in the air!  I like to create space for reflection. Gently but purposefully. There is strength in quiet and deliberate effort.

- having to confront  the same misunderstanding about Solution-Focus three times in the past week. I discovered, in 3 separate conversations with fellow Executive Coaches, that “Solution-Focus” is understood as task-focused. One Coach characterized “being too solution-focused” as going straight to the solution and prescribing a task as opposed to patiently listening to the Client first. I was taken aback – because this is the opposite of what “Solution-Focus” is! But, alas, that is what those words evoke, apparently. So I had to articulate what “Solution-Focus’ is.

These 3 separate events listed above made me realize that Solution-Focus is Quiet Strength.

Quiet strength in the “Not-Knowing” stance and curiosity of the Solution-Focused practitioners; in our  faith that Clients have already experienced bits and pieces of the solution.

Quiet strength in not adding anything to what Clients bring, yet keeping them accountable. Leading from behind, gently but steadfastly, in the interaction.

Quiet strength in being a witness to the Clients’ strengths – and honoring those strengths with our compliments.

Quiet Strength.

I think I like that.

Tags: being with the client, coaching, creating space, deliberate practice, executive coaching, Introvert, leadership, listening, mindfulness, misunderstanding, not-knowing stance, Quiet, quiet strength, reflection, Solution-Focused coaching, strength, Tony Robbins

In case you missed it, HERE is the 2012 Solution-Focused Coach Training Program!

See you in Orange County, California! :)

Tags: 2012, Accredited Coach Training Program, ACTP, Appreciative Inquiry, Business Coaching, David Chow, executive coaching, Life Coaching, Orange County, Organizational Development, Paolo Terni, Peter Szabo, PURE, Solution Focus, solutionsurfers, training

I have been coaching this client on and off for many years now.

An executive, I met him for the first time when I was fresh off the Solution-Focused training and i was discovering its power in coaching conversations.

So I was eager to try Solution-Focus on him, too – I listened eagerly to his problem talk, waiting for an opening. Sure enough, there was one and I asked about it, trying to shift to solution talk.

He quickly answered, and then went on to describe the numerous downsides of that one positive exception to the problem.

Undeterred, I tried again. And again.

It was frustrating.

It was a dance that went nowhere – me trying to highlight the positive, he bringing the conversation back to what was not working.

How come he did not accept my invitations for solution talk?

Even after I listened to him for a long time?

Why was he dismissing my remarks about positive occurrences as a way to sugarcoat the reality?

This is the beginning of my guest post on Coert Visser’s Solution-Focused Change blog. Read the rest of the post, and comments to it, here–>

http://solutionfocusedchange.blogspot.com/2011/06/when-solution-focus-does-not-work.html

Tags: case study, client cooperating, executive coaching, feeling heard, negative feedback, positive feedback, problem talk, Solution Focus, solution talk, trust

When I meet prospective clients, I can see there are still many misconceptions in the business world about what coaching is and what coaching can do for you.

Some of these misconceptions are due to lack of information, or information that is not correct: for example, the incorrect idea that the coach is a therapist, or the incorrect assumption that the coach is the expert in the clients’ field who is there to tell them what to do.

Some of these misconceptions have a cultural flavor: for example, here in Italy there is still  an underlying machismo which permeates the business community. The high-powered executive is supposed to do everything on his own, with no help or support from – invariably this is how they call us executive coaches – “a shrink”. Any sort of professional help is seen as a sign of weakness.

Some of these misconceptions have their roots in human nature. For example, it is very common to see prospective clients falling into the trap of all-or-nothing thinking, more specifically bouncing along the ominipotence – impotence continuum: the clients can either do everything and anything on their own, or they can do nothing at all on their own; the coach is either the one who knows everything and can make their life perfect or he / she is somebody who can not understand a thing about how the world (or the company, or real life, or business) works and therefore he / she is useless.

I would like to address a variant of this all-or-nothing thinking.

More specifically: you did a good job as a coach NOT when clients have solved ALL their problems and feel they have NO problems to solve, but when clients feel ready, willing and capable to tackle the issues they are paid to deal with, and feel they are making progress in handling them day in and day out.

This distinction was brought home to me recently by a client of mine, MS.

He is the Head of Personnel and of Administration of a large import-export company. He also sits in the Board of Directors, since it is a family business and he is a member of the family.

It is amazing the ground he covered within a few coaching sessions.

When we started our coaching relationship, his complaints where the concerns a typical middle manager would voice – how can I deal with employee X? how can I organize my activity by projects? How can I avoid spending too much time micro-managing basic operational problems like proper invoice registration? How can I shift from doing things myself to actually managing my department?
There was no thought, no space for issues like: strategically leading his company; re-organizing his department to better support the company’s key strategic objectives; organizing operations in a European country where they recently established a presence; leading his department (vs. managing).
After four coaching sessions, the items listed above were exactly what MS was starting to focus on.

At the end of our coaching relationship, as we were wrapping it up, he made a comment to this effect: “problems never end; but at least now I am dealing with the right set of problems, problems that have a wide organizational and strategic impact for the company. Now I feel I am in the position of making a difference. Now I feel willing and able to make a difference!”

Congratulations, MS!

* note: some details have been changed to protect the privacy of my client; even so, I have permission from the client to share the outline of his story.

Tags: all-or-nothing thinking, executive coaching, gradual progress, misconceptions, MS, Solution-Focused coaching